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Diva. Arrogant. Too emotional. Insensitive. Changeable. In a hurry. When Maranda Pleasant, Founder + Editor of Mantra Yoga + Health Magazine asked me all the names I’ve been called on my way to where I am/who I am…well that was easy to recall. I’ve also been called Flakey. Too poetic. And as if it was going to lead to the downfall of humanity, I’ve been called Romantic and Idealistic. Gasp.
Unfortunately, I was not surprised at how many other women in this magazine feature have been called Too Emotional. It reminded me of a time when my first company was going up in flames. One of the investor dudes told me, “You know Danielle, you shouldn’t be too emotional about this. It’s business.” Hunh. “First of all, this is not what ‘too emotional’ looks like,” I said to him. Because I could have shown him ‘too emotional’ and thrown some coffee pots, or cried uncontrollably, or e-blasted some people’s dirty little secrets to the entire database. That woulda been too emotional. I took a deep breath and said, “You know, maybe if I’d been more ‘emotional’ this shit wouldn’t be going down.”
And by that I meant…maybe if I’d been more in touch with my heart, with my body cues, with my feelings — I would have played it very differently. I would have — and this seems to be the universal learning/regret — I would have spoke the fuck up a lot sooner. Instead, I muffled my own agency to play along. Because I didn’t want to appear, you know, too emotional. And it blew up.
Of course mental instability can present itself with wild mood swings and extreme emotionality. We’re not talking about instability here — we’re talking about strength. I should also mention that feelings and emotions are different things. That’s a conversation that I get into in The Desire Map.
What’s important for the topic of women being mislabeled and put down, put out, put off is to know that strong feelings from women are often labelled in a
People are going to be who they are most of the time. In character, not out of character.
Guys with anger issues can complain about kittens and unicorns.
Folks who run a lot of anxiety will worry about the days of the week coming on time.
Positive thinkers figure that the train derailment saved them from disaster down the tracks.
Punctual people are punctual.
Sweet people are sweet.
People change and evolve. Breakthroughs happen. But hey…
Don’t expect crazy people to be sane (cause that’s crazy), or super emo girls to behave like stoics (did you think she wasn’t going to cry just this one time? Of course she’s going to cry. That’s how she is.) The guy who’s kinda wimpy? Well he’s probably going to wimp out. That girlfriend of yours who runs on chaos like a truck runs on diesel? Ya, she’ll probably keep making choices that make chaos — she likes it that way. The overly generous soul, she’s probably going to be illogically generous and it’ll get her into some trouble — but most of the time it works. The friend who’s always late? Chances are they’re going to be…late.
People are — for better or for worse — generally predictable. An old gentleman friend used to say to me, “Well what do you expect from a pig, but a grunt?” Oink. Point taken. And, Eagles soar. And, you can rely on reliable people.
It’s useful to analyze the stuff of people’s character. Hunh. So why IS he such an asshole? Judgement is inevitable, it’s part of conscious discernment — but sometimes, it makes us a judgmental asshole.
— their norm, their nature. Accept it. Forgive it. Just tolerate it; or peace out if you don’t want it in your life. But don’t waste too much time trying to change it.
All for Love,
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